To Move or Not To Move?

[ChillaAddict]

Ok, so my boyfriend and I are ready to upgrade from an apartment - we're sick of wasting our hard earned money on renting!

Sooo... we're kindof stuck on just one issue... Location. What would you guys do?

We are right now located in the middle of our families. Almost ALL of my family is about 20 minutes North of us, and just his mom and dad are about 2 hours South. Of course I want to stay where we are, and of course he wants to live closer to his mom and dad. There really isn't much between where we are now, and his mom and dad - because I offered a compromise.

The homes around us now are way too expensive for 1st time homebuyers. The homes around his parents (not to mention the landscape! Just phenomenal views) are perfectly priced for 1st timers....

Heh, am I answering my own question? LOL I guess what I'm asking is, Would you stay where you are because its next to a LOT of your family, or move 2 hours South and be closer to his parents?

[charlieanddusty]

I would move where you can afford to live. If it's closer to your family, live there, if not... it's better not to stress yourself out with finances right away, when you first purchase a home.

[ChillaAddict]

Very good point. I know for a fact we'd be set financially if we moved South, near his parents... I guess I just needed some others' opinions. Thanks Misty! :)

[foxbite2]

You have to take in consideration some things.. like will you need to relocate to a new job?... if you plan to commute.. how long will it take and how much will you spend in gas?.. where are the neighborhoods "safer"?...

[ChillaAddict]

Yes, thanks for bringing this up!

Relocating for work is no biggie, I'm at a place right now making next to nothing (commission-only based), and planned on moving work places either way.

Neighorhood-wise... I really like the neighborhood down by his parents. Smallish, cute little town, nothing exciting. I even looked up the crime rates and such and the numbers are great. Here where we are now, eh, nothing major really(as far as I know). I'm going to assume the crime rates are higher, solely based on the fact that its a MUCH larger city (more than 3x bigger).

[Lauren_201]

At one point, Vince and I lived an hour and fourty five minutes from our families (close to 2 hours) It really wasn't bad at all, the driving gave us bonding time, and alone time, which was good for us. Now we live almost 3 hours from them, and when we do get togethers, usually we meet in Lake Tahoe, because that's the midway point for all of us. It really isn't bad at all. :) No advice, just my experience. LOL

[Midwest Exotics]

Right now Chris & i live in the same neigborhood as my mom, an uncle, an aunt, & my brother.

We are currently bidding on a house in the neigborhood that he grew up in by his mom, grandpa, uncle, & aunts houses. So we are basically looking to flip flop.

At times i really dont want to leave where we are, but other times im really excited since we will be more in the city!! (& we can finally get cable & high speed internet. hahaha)

I guess i cant really say i know how you feel though. We are only about 15 to 20 minutes from his family & visa versa if we move from mine.

If i had to move 2 hours from my family i would certainly be thinking about a lot of things.. How often am i going to be able to make that drive to see them, holidays, b-days, emergencies, etc. How often are they going to want to drive to see you?

Are you seriously committed to your boyfriend & visa versa? Thats a ways to just pick up & leave if your not 100% committed with that person.

Will you be able to afford it? We totally know what you mean about not wanting to rent. It seems like such a waste of time & LOTS of money.. if you can afford it, BUY a house!!!!!

Those are the main things you should ask yourself. I also dont think it would be wrong for the both of you to make a comprimise & move in the middle if possible.

Just some of my thoughts.

[galtinel]

Things to consider as well: what if you break up? Buying a house as a non-married couple, one of you has to be a majority owner. There's no 50:50 in this catagory. It's at least 51:49. And all the additional expenses that come with a house (homeowners' insurance, power/gas, phone, garbage, sewer, water, heating fuel (if that's what is common in your area), cable) as well as possibly changing your car insurance rates (parking on street vs. driveway vs. in garage can make it more expensive than renting.

The key being a major break-up with out a good escape clause in your contract between the two of you BEFORE you go into a purchase is something to discuss. Depending on the state, there are "tenant in common" ways of buying a house, but your really need a good real estate person to help you with this.

And be very careful on the type of home loan you get. Any ARM today that is a sweet first time buyer deal can become a nightmare in 1-3-5-7+ years. Look into a fixed rate loan that you can go either interest only for the first year and pay more when you can so that your monthly payment drops, or just a fixed rate loan. You do not want to be selling your home in less than 2 years to get out of a bad financial situation.

Good luck with your plans. Buying a home is worse than job hunting a full time job.

[DustBunnie]

Where in MN are you? I don't know if my opinion matters on that point, but I've lived in a couple areas of MN and may be able to give you my thoughts... :dunno: I personally know where in the state I would and wouldn't want to be, and have spent a lot of time researching the real estate market, schools, general neighborhood info, etc. (I work for a home builder-we're always looking for places to expand, and I also spent the last year looking for land for myself) so I may have some insight. Also I lived about an hour away from my family for 2 years and it was really hard for me. My family is extremely close, so I had a hard time not seeing them as often as I would have liked.

[ChillaAddict]

Lauren - Sounds like you were in almost the exact situation I'm in! Thanks for your thoughts. Good to know I'm not the only one :)

Midwest Exotics - Thanks for bringing that up! I was just starting to think about holiday stuff too. I'm really close to my family, but especially my mom. We've been to heck and back together!! I would really miss seeing her if we move. But can I be the one to say he can't be closer to his mom and dad? They're very close as well... And, in fact, even I'm really close to his mom and dad - I knew them before I even met Josh!

galtinel - You are right. Although it may seem like we are the perfect couple, there's always the "What Ifs" about breaking up. I didn't even think about this before, but Josh's mom is a rental property manager! I'm sure she would "force" us to make some sort of contract, in case the worst should happen. Also, thanks for the tip about loans. We are not at all close to moving just yet. I just wanted to throw this out there and see what came back! :) We still have TONS of researching left to do. (Heh, plus I wouldn't want to move in a Minnesota winter!!)

Dust Bunnie - Hey fellow MudDuck! :) We are in Eagan now, my family lives in the Oakdale/Woodbury area. His mom and dad are in Red Wing. Ever been to Red Wing? Oh, its just gorgeous. I'm REALLY not fond of Minnesota landscape, but I do love Red Wing. We just can't afford anything near the Twin Cities. Seems like if we want a nice 1st time house, we either go waaaaaay outside the suburbs, or downtown - which we're not very comfortable with. Hey, thoughts are always welcome!