Grandma's Stroke

[Mystic]

I didn't know if this was the right place to put this, but its Family Life so I thought it'd fit. Last month my grandma had a stroke and was in the hospital for 2 weeks, half that time in the Sub-acute section which is supposed to be like assisted living. She got to go home while I was at home over my fall break from college. She really wanted to go home, even though she isn't all there. You can tell she is happy to be home, but she still isn't all there.

Her stroke affected her right side so she has a little trouble eating, but she can eat on her own, her right side of her mouth kind of still droops a little too. She for the most part can walk on her own, but we follow her around in case she gets of balance so it can be like watching a toddler. The main thing that has been affected is her mind, everything else pretty much works. She was having a hard time with her memory, like names of people, she could recognize them if she saw them, but couldn't always remember their names or she'd sometimes use someone elses name for them. She many times says sentances that don't make any sense, like a bunch of words put together or sometimes its made up words.

She sometimes knows she can't talk right and then says "nevermind" or sticks out her tounge and makes the spitting noise and laughs so we laugh with her. She many times thinks she is living back in California where she used to and that her mom is still alive. Actually before leaving the hospital she told my grandpa to "go say good bye to your dad" and he had to tell her "hun, my dad has been dead for a long time now" so she looked over at me like she didn't believe him, like it was a shock to her and I just nodded my head.

I had to come back to school after my break and its been hard hearing how grandma's mind is deteriorating. She is having more memory problems and she even more so isn't there. She even once almost ate food with a very sharp knife. My grandpa doesn't want to have Thanksgiving because grandma won't know it is Thanksgiving. She had her 73 or 74 th b-day at the end of Oct. but I don't think she really knew it. She is like in a whole other world with no time or months or anything. It's been so hard because before her stroke she was asking me and my siblings "do you have your Christmas lists yet?" as she has done every year since we were old enough to write a list, yet after her stroke it is like she has no knowledge of holidays or anything unless you bring it up then she knows about the holiday and stuff but its like its never going to come or something. I really miss her asking us if we have our Christmas lists. The holidays are going to be so hard and the way grandma always loved the holidays (except Halloween which she really disliked) she just won't be able to enjoy them the way she used to.

She loved doing the crafts and putting up the Christmas tree very early, as she has a fake tree so she could leave it up as long as she liked. Christmas was so special and fun and this year its going to be so different. They say there is always hope of recovery that she will be back to normal, but it doesn't seem so. She even refuses to take her pills that she so much needs. One is for her diabetes and one for her heart, and one to help prevent another stroke and so many more she always has taken, my mom and grandpa have to keep reminding her that she had a stroke and she needs to take them. My mom works nights so is with grandma during the day, and barely gets sleep, my grandpa has been working 12 hour shifts during the day and is with grandma at night and gets little sleep. I wish I could be home to help, but I can't so I really can't wait for Thanksgiving break. I hate being away. I just don't know, does anyone know of someone who has had a stroke and had after effects like these and recovered?

[alli713]

I'm sorry to hear about your grandma, my grandma hasn't had those exact things happen to her but she has gone through alot. So I know how you feel.
My grandma is 93 and now lives in a nursing home and can't do anything on her own. It really makes you miss those times and yeah, Christmas just isn't the same anymore. I miss spending Christmas at her house and everything.
She did have a stroke at one point in time and it didn't affect her life too much she was able to move on. But over time it just has deteriorated (sp?)
My advice is try to remember those good times and try to see her as much as possible. I live 6 hours away from my grandma and I know she will be moving on soon so it makes me regret that I can't be closer.
I'm sorry this happened to your grandma, things like this are really hard to deal with but over time it gets better.

[Tsukiko]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It is really difficult to watch loved ones deteriorate and sometimes harder when you're not able to be with them and just hear about it second hand. I definately know how hard it is to just hear about it. I'm also a college student with ill family members.

I'm told that my grandpa probably won't live another year, or at the very least that he won't be able to live another year with just him and grandma. My other grandma doesn't need to be living by herself either. She has a severe case of diabetes and is working on dementia. My soon to be mother-in-law's parents aren't doing too well either. He has been having seizures, is diabetic, and has Parkinson's disease and she can't quit falling and breaking things along with dementia which became apparent after her last surgery. My soon to be father-in-law's mother has been living in a nursing home for several years due to advanced alzheimers (sp?).

Sadly, losing those we love is part of life and is something that must be delt with by those that remain behind. At least these people are all old and have a loving family to be with them in their last years. Some people don't have that. Enjoy her while she's still with you, and if you're the religious type, pray for her (if not, try meditation). It will help you find peace and strength to deal with this situation.

[Mystic]

Thanks you guys, I do pray for her every night, there is still always hope that she will become herself again, the sad thing is that even before the stroke my mom said she thought this would be grandma's last Christmas. I know that if she were to have another stroke she probably wouldn't make it, before her big stroke she was having "mini strokes" they caused severe headaches and she I think was being treated for that. I can't even think of life with out her right now and I only hope she can at least be around for when my sister has her baby, she's about 4 1/2 or 5 months along I believe, she will be married after the baby is born so I hope grandma will be around for that. I really wish she could be around to see me get married and have kids, but that probably won't be happening for a long time beings that I am single right now. I really can't wait until Thanksgiving break so I can see her and help out. I feel even worse for one of my brothers who is in the Army stationed up in Alaska right now, he got to see grandma for a little while after she had the stroke when he was on leave after graduating basic, but he won't be home for Thanksgiving and isn't sure if he will be home for Christmas. He really won't get to see her much. Every time I get a call from my mom I worry its about grandma, I worry all the time I'm going to get that call that she had another stroke. At least being religious and knowing how religious my grandparents are, I know that when her time comes she will go to Heaven and she will for sure go there. She's an amazing woman with love for everyone. She worked in the hospital as a surgery aid a long time ago, then couldn't handle it anymore and became a sunday school teacher, she just loved teaching the little kids, she loves church but she has been retired from sunday school teaching for awhile now. My grandparents used to go to church every wednesday and sunday and would go to so many of the church events, church was their lives, now I'm not sure that they go since the stroke. I think it is incredibly hard on my grandpa I really can't imagine what it is like to be the spouse of someone who had a stroke. One of my uncles suggested putting her in a home for about a month or so so maybe she can get some speech therapy or something, but my grandma wasn't happy at the hospital, she would be incredibly depressed at a home.

When she first got home from the hospital you could pretty much sense her relief, we'd ask if it was good to be home and she'd nod her head and smile. She would go around trying to straighten things up in her house, try to help make meals, but my mom would tell her to sit down, my grandma hates not being able to do things on her own and I know she is getting frustrated. Sometimes she is there mentally and you can talk to her and everything, but then she goes back to talking in sentances you can't understand and you just want to, but when she doesn't realize she isn't talking normal its even harder because you just have to look at her and see how to react to what she said, usually its something funny. She does have a sense of humor most of the time. Like when she was in hospital getting some speech therapy she'd roll her eyes at the therapist if she thought what she said was stupid.

I enjoy time with her because I know she is happy when everyone is around her, that's why I think its important to have Thanksgiving like we normally would at there house, but instead of grandma cooking it, mom, me and my brother who's not in the Army will cook it, my sister won't get to be there either, but hopefully everyone will be back for Christmas. I know grandma loves to have me visit. When she was first in the hospital she kept calling everyone my name and asking where I was. Then I started calling almost every day to talk to her on the phone after I found out she was in the hospital. When I first went into see her she grabbed my hand with both her hands and started kissing my arm, she couldn't remember my name but I know she recognized me and was so happy to see me, it made me feel good. It makes it so hard to not be there though.

Before the stroke happend I didn't care one way or the other if I went home for breaks, now I want to go home every chance I get. Being 19 (I was 17 when coming to college last year, turned 18 soon after the start of freshman year) I felt I had so much freedom coming to college, but now who cares, I'd rather be home. I'm glad when I graduate this May I can be home. (2 year vet tech program, graduating as vet assistant) I'll live at home until we figure things out. I'm sorry these posts are so long, I felt that I had to get this all out and if no one reads any more that's ok, I'm just rattling off. Thanks for reading, its nice to have support.

[keeja820]

i am so sorry to hear about your grandma. my grandmother on my fathers side, passed away from a stroke...her THIRD stroke...it was so sad...but we knew it was coming...

each stroke left her in a worst state than before. the first one, her right side became paralyzed, but she regained control after a lil while...she was still able to live at home, her home...the second, she coudlnt walk anymore...she moved in with one of my aunts, and they had a person come in every day to help with bathing, getting her from room to room (including getting her up in the mornings), help get her food, go to the bathroom, into bed at night...it was horrible to see her like that... :(
the third...well...it killed her...she had the stroke in the morning, my aunt went in to check on her, saw her in her state...called the ambulance, and then we got the call here (toronto, Ontario, my aunt and grandmother lived in Newfoundland) and a few hours later we got the second phone call, she hadnt made it...

it was so sad. i think what made it worst was that she passed the day before my fathers birthday, and he spent his birthday travelling home to attend her funeral...it was so heartbreaking...

i am so sorry for this to have happened...i am hoping for the best for you and your grandmother...prayers are sent your way...

[Jeanette]

Hey there... sorry to hear about this.
It really strikes a chord with me though... and I just have to tell you...

I was very close with my grandmother before she had a stroke due to a tumor inside her brain the size of a tennis ball.

I was really upset when this happened (there is more to the story... that was very unfair and truamatic to me, but that's not relevant here...) BUT
I wish now that I had stopped saying to my self "this isn't fair! It's so hard on everyone"...etc. (I know it is!! *hugz*) and I wish that instead of doing that, that I focused more on enjoying the time I had with her when she was sick/trying to recover (which, I'm sad to say, she didn't). Yea, it was hard, and everyone was upset. But what she needed most at that time was not for everyone to be upset, but just to spend time with her. Read with her, laugh with her when she laughs :) and just make sure that she understands that when she gets frustrated, you understand what she was trying to say.

I would rather have that time back with her than have no time at all.
You are very fortunate for this time with your Grandmother!!
*hugz*...I know it's hard:)

[ChilliPepper]

Sweetie, let me tell you a story of hope. In June, I got news through another friend that a good friends father had had a severe stroke. Ramona was scheduled to be married in September, and she could not imagine her wedding without her father, so she almost cancelled. Now here's the worst of all- he had the stroke while on business in Istanbul, and was flown to Zurich for intensive treatment. Forover a month it was touch and go- he was unconcious, his lungs kept filling with fluid, he had 2 surgeries to relieve pressure in his brain. Ramona chose to go ahead with her wedding after she went to Zurich to see him. We all got the happiest day on her wedding day- she had kept secret from all that 10 days before, they were finally able to fly him home. It took him 5 minutes to walk his oldest daughter down the aisle, but he did it! I am crying again as I type this because he was so brave and strong and the trials the family went through has me in awe of what love and support can do.
I will pray for you- my grandfather had a stroke a couple of years ago and once they got the meds sorted out, he has had a good recovery. Just be as strong as you can for your Mom too, it's very hard to watch the person who raised you turn into a child again.

[Mystic]

Thank you everyone. I tried to spend a lot of time with my grandma over this Thanksgiving break. I spent the night one night. I'll be back home in a couple weeks for Christmas break too. I just don't know if my grandma can get better, I can only hope and pray she does. Sometimes she seems there and other times, like the first day of break when I went to see her, she didn't even really say one word to me, she was really out of it, but I think it was because she was tired. The next day she seemed ok. Thanksgiving I think she actually knew it was Thanksgiving so that was nice. Then that night me and my sister spent the night there and the next day we decorated my grandparents Christmas tree, my grandma realized Christmas is getting close, but I think most of the time she doesn't realize it. With me and my sister there my mom had a break from watching grandma. She normally works about 10pm-6 am and then goes out there and watches grandma while grandpa is at work, then about 4 pm mom goes home and tries to sleep a couple hours before work. Grandma still has to be watched like a toddler, but when I stayed the night she seemed almost herself. It was nice spending that time for her. Poor grandpa barely gets sleep though because grandma get up many times during the night. When I move back to my hometown after college I'll be most likely living at home a little while and can try to help mom more. I'm sure it must be hard on mom, especially since my aunts and uncles aren't even helping, even the aunt and uncle who lives in town doesn't help out even though they are well off and do next to nothing every day. I'm going to try to spend as much time with my grandparents as possible, my mom's thinks my grandpa is starting to loose it a little too. She thinks he is getting Parkinson's disease as shaky as he is and possibly is on the start of Alzheimer's as he says one thing one minute and is saying the opposite the next and doesn't think he ever said the first thing, he also argues with her a lot arguing a point that makes no sense, but I don't know if this is just his frustration or what.

I'm just going to spend as much time with them as possible and hope and pray for the best. I'm keeping a positive additude as much as I can. Thank you all again, it's nice to hear other stories, I wish I could be back home already, even though I just got back to school. But I'll be home soon again so I just have to hope these couple weeks go fast.