Oseris
01-28-2005, 02:10 AM
Jan 2: I notice my Hikaru whines when he pees. I take him to an emergency center right away. Since there are no exotic vets, all they can do is basic physical check up.
Jan 10: After a week of observation, my Hikaru still whines when he pees. I know I have to take My Hikaru to the regular vet. The vet takes an X-Ray and it shows he has a kidney stone. I schedule the surgery to Jan 13.
Jan 12: Patients cannot have food after midnight. Since my Hikaru is a rodent, I quarantined him and put him next to my bed to avoid him chewing stuff. It was the longest, sleepless, most worry night in my life.
Jan 13: Before I go to school, I drop off my Hikaru to the vet. He has the surgery at 10am. When I get back to the hospital, the vet reports a complication. This kind of surgery normally takes 30 minutes. But for my Hikaru, the vet searches for an hour and cannot find the stone. The vet has to sew him up. He takes another X-Ray and the stone is ‘not there anymore’. The vet concludes that my Hikaru passes the stone out by himself. I notice the vet has a pimple on his left eye.
I am supposed to give my Hikaru Baytril, an anti-biotic. I do not want to stress him, so I do not give him the medicine but let him rest.
Jan 19: My Hikaru is recovering great until today. He starts whining. I think it is from the pain of the stitches. I observe him closely.
Jan 22: The whining gets worse. I report this to the vet when I take my Hikaru to remove the stitches. I tell the vet that I am not giving my Hikaru the anti-biotic because I want him to rest. The vet does a check up, and finds my Hikaru’s bladder a little hard. He concludes that my Hikaru maybe having a secondary infection after the surgery. He tells me to put my Hikaru back on medicine and let us go. During the checkup, the vet briefly mentions that he sees a shadow in the X-Ray after the surgery.
Jan 23-24: I force my Hikaru to take the medicine. For hygiene concern, I use CareFresh Ultra, a white bedding, for my Hikaru’s home. I notice that there are no pee marks at all. Unlike the previous week, my Hikaru does not move around and only stay in the corner.
Jan 25: Something is wrong. Before school, I drop off Hikaru to the vet. I authorize them any medicine and treatment for the time being, and demand notice and permission request if any surgery is necessary. At around 9:30am, just when I am walking to my 10:00am Japanese 3B class, the vet calls and reports on Hikaru’s status. The vet takes another X-Ray again and finds that the stone is still in his body, and it is stuck in his urethra. After the call, I wait for my class. Then Haraguchi-sensei asks me about Hikaru. Obviously I cannot tell this whole chaos in 15 minutes, and I have a Math 67 class right after Japanese, so I want to talk to her later in the afternoon. Normally she stays at school till around 2:00pm, but she cannot stay today because her husband’s car is broken down and she has to give him a ride. So I will talk to her tomorrow.
I go back to the hospital after school, at around 3:30pm. I decide my Hikaru to have his surgery right away because I don’t want to exhaust him anymore. I tell the vet to take the stone out for sure this time. I stay with my Hikaru for almost 2 hours. At around 5:30pm, and is time for my Hikaru’s second surgery in 1 month. I look at him in the eyes and tell him to stay strong.
Hikaru, ganbatte. ganbaru yo.
I should have stayed in the hospital, but I don’t know why I leave. While I am stuck on the freeway, I have no idea why but all of a sudden the idea of what do to after my chins’ death (not just Hikaru but all three of them including the mom BB and the older sister Setsuna) crosses my mind. I decide if they die, I will cremate them and mix the ash and soil to make a plant. I laugh at myself, ‘Why am I thinking about these?’
After an hour of traffic I finally arrive home. I plan to go out and do chores for mom, so I leave my belongings in the car, including my cell phone. I feel relieved because my Hikaru will finally be healthy again. I lose my guard, distracted and forget about everything, the surgery, my cell phone in the car, everything. I am so stressed because I have been dealing with this only by myself since day one. I do not tell anyone, not even my mom, except my chins two guardians. I need a relief so much that I…
(I am a single guy)
When I finally go out again, I find I have a missing call and a voice mail. The vet says there is a problem. I immediately call the vet and the hospital, no one answers. I think, if no one answers, that must mean the problem is solved.
When I get to the store, the vet calls again. The vet wants to get hold of me before the day ends. He says the surgery is successful, and the kidney stone is finally taken out of my Hikaru’s body…
Before he finishes his sentence, I know my Hikaru passed away.
My Hikaru wakes up after the surgery, but only for 5 minutes, then he crashes. My Hikaru dies at 6pm.
I finish the chore and go back home. I have never felt such emptiness and void in my life. I suddenly remember one of my chins’ guardians. She just asks about him this morning. I can wait until the next day, but I do not want to.
I do something crazy to contact her and tell her about my Hikaru’s death.
I eat nothing that night.
Jan 26: I talk to the guardian in the morning. In the afternoon, around 1:00pm, I go to see my Hikaru. He is all cold now. I thought I would not cry. But when I see all the stitches on his stomach, I cannot hold my *A.T. Field anymore.
‘I know, I know it hurts and you are tired. It’s okay now. It is not painful anymore, my Hikaru. I know I am such a bad daddy. I should have said something when I do not believe the vet’s conclusion about you passing that stone out yourself. I should have said something when the vet said he saw a shadow in your X-Ray. I should have stayed for your surgery. I should have followed my guts and daddy-instincts. I should not be afraid to speak in English.
I am so so so so so sorry, Hikaru. It’s all daddy’s fault.
I know you have never seen you real daddy. Be sure you look for him up there okay? You can finally play with him now.
I know you stay strong for me just to pass your birthday. But it’s okay now, you can go.
I will see you again in some years okay?’
I stay until 2:00pm because today is the last day of Grad Expo. I have to go back to school before the Expo closes at 3:00pm because I have to order my cap and gown. I kiss my Hikaru goodbye and promise him I will come back tomorrow.
I get the kidney stone.
Jan 27: I go back to the hospital to see my Hikaru one last time before he is cremated. I clean him up a little and take the last picture of his cute little face, but the picture of all the stitches will only in my mind.
Bye, my Hikaru.
I go home, and my Chinworld Order is finally here. But a lot of the stuff will have to be returned.
I set my Hikaru’s cage back to how it always is.
My Hikaru will come home in about 3 weeks.
I finish this memorial before the day ends.
Love,
Daddy
*A term used in the hit anime series <Neon Genesis Evangelion>. A.T. Field is a barrier that protects one’s feelings.
Jan 10: After a week of observation, my Hikaru still whines when he pees. I know I have to take My Hikaru to the regular vet. The vet takes an X-Ray and it shows he has a kidney stone. I schedule the surgery to Jan 13.
Jan 12: Patients cannot have food after midnight. Since my Hikaru is a rodent, I quarantined him and put him next to my bed to avoid him chewing stuff. It was the longest, sleepless, most worry night in my life.
Jan 13: Before I go to school, I drop off my Hikaru to the vet. He has the surgery at 10am. When I get back to the hospital, the vet reports a complication. This kind of surgery normally takes 30 minutes. But for my Hikaru, the vet searches for an hour and cannot find the stone. The vet has to sew him up. He takes another X-Ray and the stone is ‘not there anymore’. The vet concludes that my Hikaru passes the stone out by himself. I notice the vet has a pimple on his left eye.
I am supposed to give my Hikaru Baytril, an anti-biotic. I do not want to stress him, so I do not give him the medicine but let him rest.
Jan 19: My Hikaru is recovering great until today. He starts whining. I think it is from the pain of the stitches. I observe him closely.
Jan 22: The whining gets worse. I report this to the vet when I take my Hikaru to remove the stitches. I tell the vet that I am not giving my Hikaru the anti-biotic because I want him to rest. The vet does a check up, and finds my Hikaru’s bladder a little hard. He concludes that my Hikaru maybe having a secondary infection after the surgery. He tells me to put my Hikaru back on medicine and let us go. During the checkup, the vet briefly mentions that he sees a shadow in the X-Ray after the surgery.
Jan 23-24: I force my Hikaru to take the medicine. For hygiene concern, I use CareFresh Ultra, a white bedding, for my Hikaru’s home. I notice that there are no pee marks at all. Unlike the previous week, my Hikaru does not move around and only stay in the corner.
Jan 25: Something is wrong. Before school, I drop off Hikaru to the vet. I authorize them any medicine and treatment for the time being, and demand notice and permission request if any surgery is necessary. At around 9:30am, just when I am walking to my 10:00am Japanese 3B class, the vet calls and reports on Hikaru’s status. The vet takes another X-Ray again and finds that the stone is still in his body, and it is stuck in his urethra. After the call, I wait for my class. Then Haraguchi-sensei asks me about Hikaru. Obviously I cannot tell this whole chaos in 15 minutes, and I have a Math 67 class right after Japanese, so I want to talk to her later in the afternoon. Normally she stays at school till around 2:00pm, but she cannot stay today because her husband’s car is broken down and she has to give him a ride. So I will talk to her tomorrow.
I go back to the hospital after school, at around 3:30pm. I decide my Hikaru to have his surgery right away because I don’t want to exhaust him anymore. I tell the vet to take the stone out for sure this time. I stay with my Hikaru for almost 2 hours. At around 5:30pm, and is time for my Hikaru’s second surgery in 1 month. I look at him in the eyes and tell him to stay strong.
Hikaru, ganbatte. ganbaru yo.
I should have stayed in the hospital, but I don’t know why I leave. While I am stuck on the freeway, I have no idea why but all of a sudden the idea of what do to after my chins’ death (not just Hikaru but all three of them including the mom BB and the older sister Setsuna) crosses my mind. I decide if they die, I will cremate them and mix the ash and soil to make a plant. I laugh at myself, ‘Why am I thinking about these?’
After an hour of traffic I finally arrive home. I plan to go out and do chores for mom, so I leave my belongings in the car, including my cell phone. I feel relieved because my Hikaru will finally be healthy again. I lose my guard, distracted and forget about everything, the surgery, my cell phone in the car, everything. I am so stressed because I have been dealing with this only by myself since day one. I do not tell anyone, not even my mom, except my chins two guardians. I need a relief so much that I…
(I am a single guy)
When I finally go out again, I find I have a missing call and a voice mail. The vet says there is a problem. I immediately call the vet and the hospital, no one answers. I think, if no one answers, that must mean the problem is solved.
When I get to the store, the vet calls again. The vet wants to get hold of me before the day ends. He says the surgery is successful, and the kidney stone is finally taken out of my Hikaru’s body…
Before he finishes his sentence, I know my Hikaru passed away.
My Hikaru wakes up after the surgery, but only for 5 minutes, then he crashes. My Hikaru dies at 6pm.
I finish the chore and go back home. I have never felt such emptiness and void in my life. I suddenly remember one of my chins’ guardians. She just asks about him this morning. I can wait until the next day, but I do not want to.
I do something crazy to contact her and tell her about my Hikaru’s death.
I eat nothing that night.
Jan 26: I talk to the guardian in the morning. In the afternoon, around 1:00pm, I go to see my Hikaru. He is all cold now. I thought I would not cry. But when I see all the stitches on his stomach, I cannot hold my *A.T. Field anymore.
‘I know, I know it hurts and you are tired. It’s okay now. It is not painful anymore, my Hikaru. I know I am such a bad daddy. I should have said something when I do not believe the vet’s conclusion about you passing that stone out yourself. I should have said something when the vet said he saw a shadow in your X-Ray. I should have stayed for your surgery. I should have followed my guts and daddy-instincts. I should not be afraid to speak in English.
I am so so so so so sorry, Hikaru. It’s all daddy’s fault.
I know you have never seen you real daddy. Be sure you look for him up there okay? You can finally play with him now.
I know you stay strong for me just to pass your birthday. But it’s okay now, you can go.
I will see you again in some years okay?’
I stay until 2:00pm because today is the last day of Grad Expo. I have to go back to school before the Expo closes at 3:00pm because I have to order my cap and gown. I kiss my Hikaru goodbye and promise him I will come back tomorrow.
I get the kidney stone.
Jan 27: I go back to the hospital to see my Hikaru one last time before he is cremated. I clean him up a little and take the last picture of his cute little face, but the picture of all the stitches will only in my mind.
Bye, my Hikaru.
I go home, and my Chinworld Order is finally here. But a lot of the stuff will have to be returned.
I set my Hikaru’s cage back to how it always is.
My Hikaru will come home in about 3 weeks.
I finish this memorial before the day ends.
Love,
Daddy
*A term used in the hit anime series <Neon Genesis Evangelion>. A.T. Field is a barrier that protects one’s feelings.