A parent here needs your inputs teens. :)

[hailstorm100]

What consequences should be made if you are skipping school? My son who is 16 has been skipping school lately, and is falling way behind in school. What do you think I should do when it comes to consequences for him. I don't get mad or yell, I just really need some ideas on what to do and I would love to hear it from a teenagers perspective. I just don't want to see him fail or get kicked out. He's in grade 11. :heart: This breaks my heart, cause he's a smart guy. He's already told me he doesn't care and doesn't want to go to school anymore. :( So, give me your input, ideas and maybe experiences?

[hailstorm100]

Here is a short story about him..Travis used to always stay inside and not go anywhere and just play around on the computer or play games etc. I was always trying to get him to go out and maybe make some friends you know, hang out. Well, oneday he came home with a friend of his who introduced him to a teen center here.. I thought it was great that he was getting out of the house but now we can't get him to stay home..:( I have been to the teen center to check it out and it seems like a good place and there are adult supervisers there, who my dad knows too. One of the consequences that we've given him today is that he is not allowed to stay at his friends place tonight and no teen center this weekend. Btw, when he stays at this friends place they stay up all night but then again I guess a lot of us did when we were that age eh.. anyways, his attitude sucks royally and it's almost like he's just given up on everything that matters. :( Anyways, one of his come backs is that first we wanted him to get out more and now we don't, but that isn't the deal, we just don't like having to worry about him and where he's at etc. *sigh* Being a parent can be nerve wrecking!!!! :cry: I just want everything to be normal again or at least no stress..

[AnimalsR4Me]

Before you do ANYTHING, sit down and talk to him and see WHY hes skipping school...Maybe the work is too hard and he would rather just not do it than to feel stupid because he can't do it...Maybe someone is being mean....I think you need to find out whats causing him to not go to school. I hate school, but I go simply because I need to graduate....
Hmm. I would deffinately say no friends, no teen center, which it sounds like you've already done. Also take away the video games that Im SURE he has lol. most boys do ! Tell him he can slowly start earning things back when he starts earning your trust back. Maybe try bribery lol. Tell him if he gets perfect attendance(not including the days that you KNOW hes going to be gone, like for a doctors appointment or something) you'll give him something he wants(like a new xbox or some money or something if you can afford it) I got straight A's last semester and my dad gave me 100$! That was enough insentive for me to get straight a's again this semester lol.
Perhaps try to find out where he is going when he skips school. He has to go somewheres...If its a HUGE deal, try taking away his car(if he has one) or take him to school every day and pick him up every day. He won't like it one bit, but hopefully he'll stop skipping. Tell him when he stops skipping school he can have his car back, or however he gets to school.....I would say that if hes going to act like a 5 year old, treat him like a 5 year old. It's hard to think of and say I know but sometimes it's necessary. And when he gives you the "your going back what you want. WHAT DO YOU WANT" line, which I know he will because I use it all the time, just tell him that you want him to be able to go out and have fun, but you also want him to go to school like he is supposed to. Tell him that not only will HE get in trouble, but you will also get in trouble if he does not attend school. The school will start filing truency papers, and the parents start getting in trouble for not forcing the kids to go to school. AND if he doesn't go, he has a possiblity of not graduating and then he has to stay even longer!

[Brea]

A friend of our family had a problem like that. They worked out a deal. If the kid went and got a job, every day he went to work he didn't have to go to school. It was one or the other. It took him 2 weeks but he went back to school caught up on the work and grad.

[EricaLynn]

Goodness gracious, this sounds like me. I'm 16 in the 11th, too. Well, I'm homeschooled, but I've been falling really behind and have gotten to the point where the stress of catching back up is driving me INSANE, and making me lose all initiative completely, if that makes sense. I am catching up, but it's going to take a lot more work than it should have. :sigh:

There are a lot of things that can happen as consequences in his life if he doesn't recognize the imoprtance of school, and if you don't help him see them, he might not until it's too late. Obviously college isn't going to look kindly upon bad grades, especially due to lack of effort. No college=no job (sadly- in today's world- that's how it is, more times than not), no money, no house, etc.

"Raise a child up in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not stray from it." There's a lot of truth in that reference, and if he doesn't start disciplining himself now, and sticking to things as he should be, he's going to have a rough time in his adult life; why put yourself through that if you can break the habit before it starts or worsens? Teenage years should be used for preparing yourself for the outside world through education, discipline, and growth. You can't have one without the other, and if you don't have these things, you'll amount to nothing more than a billboard for immaturity- that's not a nametag I would want to harbor!

The discipline on your part is really up to you (I always hated it when my parents asked me what I thought a "reasonable punishment would be." lol), but if he wants to know why you're doing it, or gives you an argument, just tell him that you've got to give him some kind of consequences to make him realize that there ARE consequences for not sticking to things, and you've got to get him to change before he gets into the world and tries this stuff; te consequences out there are a lot worse than a weekend at home doing schoolwork. Just tell him the truth- always works with me. :)

I'll be holding you guys in my prayers. :heart:

[hedgies4life]

I would try calmly telling him that its really going to affect his life if he doesn't go to school. Don't yell or put your foot down saying "Because I'm your parent" or "Because I said so" because that will just make him more angry. I would suggest that you ask him why he's skipping school. He may have something else going on (like he's depressed or being bullied) and so he's trying to stay away from that.

Is he showing signs of depression or bullying? Often, kids are afraid that if they tell someone they're being bullied, they think that they'll be bullied even more. They'll show depression by self-harm, loss of appetite, weight loss, anti-social behavior, drop in school grades, lack of interest for activities, sleeping lots, change of personaltiy, mood swings, etc. Ask politely if something is going on at school that's hard for him to deal with. If he doesn't want to tell you, try asking his friends if he's told them anything. Hopefully you and your son can get back to normal life. Should he have a problem at school, encourage him to see the school counsellors or peer counselling.

Hope I helped

[Chinchillagrl06]

Its totally normal to skip school once in a while, but if he's falling behind there's a problem. Talk to his teachers. There may be something going on at school he's not telling you about. Does he drive yet? Maybe tell him no car or no driver license until he starts improving those grades. I know when I was his age, I just didnt realize how important school really is. Without his HS diploma his job opportunities are soooo limited. Seriously, in the school district I live in you cant even be a janitor without a diploma!

[Chinchillagrl06]

Oh yeah. And make sure your very involved in what he's doing in school. Ask him what kind of assignments are going on and make sure you know the class sylabus. If you talk with his teachers first you can catch him if he's ditched that class/day. Sneaky, but its because you love him.

[JoElizabeth]

What kind of person is he? Is he accepted in school, like in the cool crowd? Or kinda just in a small group? Do people like him? Do people make fun of him? Does he do drugs, stay out late, or listen to provokative music? These should all be considered when deciding how to handle it. If its out of rebelion, ground him from car, music, tv, friends, everything i guess. If he feels he cant make it in school from grades or friends being mean, talk to the counsiler at school. U cant make him switch friends. A book that would be wonderful for u to read is "She Said Yes" by Misty Bernall. Its about the columbine shooting in the 90's, but her situation seems about the same as yours. She just gets stuck in the wrong place, but how her mother handled it really changed her daughter, even tho it was hard.

[Jillian53846]

Just wondering--

Have you met his friends & the people he's hanging out with? That might be a good start. Next time he wants to go to their place, suggest that they come and hang out at your home instead. That way, he can still be social with his friends & you can meet and kinda observe the people he's hanging out with. (haha of course, don't insist on watching a movie with them or anything like that).

& otherwise, just talk to him. Communication is the key to ANY successful relationship. Try to get to know who his friends are, what kinds of things he does at the center--just make it daily conversation. You're the parent, so you have a right to know the general things he does & who he hangs out with.

haha I'm not a teen anymore, but I have a friend who is in high school & finishing up. He'd ditch school quite a bit and come to hang out with us at the pool hall at my college--started doing it when he was 15 actually (no, we didn't influence him to do so in the slightest--I actually would get on his case about missing class).
He gets into arguments with his mom a lot, because his grades are very inconsistent--really bad at some points (which I also offered to help with). I know his mom worries about him getting into trouble... but you know, he ditches class a lot more than he should--but he's really a good guy. He just has found something he really loves to do (my friends are all pool hall junkies :D )--& believe me when I say that finding a sport or game or activity that you really love gets really really addicting (haha he's really really good at it now too). But you know, at least he's spending time doing something clean & not getting into trouble.

Also, in my opinion (based on him), you should always work out some sort of compromise--no one likes to feel like they don't have any options/choices (it will just make them want to rebell more). I don't know so much about bribery... haha teens are smart--they know how to manipulate things to their advantage... Compromise with options--like maybe... less time at the center & more time with him bringing friends to hang out at your home or X days a week that he can go to the center... & if he skips school, then ground him!--no going to the center nor seeing his friends & no TV & extra/more chores--just to school & straight home. i dunno--whatever you think would be most appealing to him & would allow you to have him in the house more. Also, you can talk to his teachers. Let them know that if he comes up with some sort of excuse to leave, that they have to contact you before they let him out of class for any reason (haha other than bathroom breaks)--&/or if he doesn't show up to class/leaves & doesn't come back when he claims that he will, then have them contact you. just so he knows that if he ditches, he will get caught.

just suggestions :)