Help! My friend is depressed

[Tigger]

Ok, my friend is really depressed. Every time we talk its like, it makes me want to cry. Actaully, when talking to him over the internet on aim and stuff I DO cry. It makes me terribly saddened and scared. He needs help, but I dont know what to do. He likes my best friend, but he wont tell her and I dont know if she likes him either.

He says that he would be less depressed if he got a girlfriend, which I said he could really live without because it wouldnt be any different really then how they hang out right now *We all hang out A LOT* He is really nice, I just dont know if she likes him...

Ok, IDK if hes serious when he says this, but I take it seriously.... Hes saying he should kill himself and its really scary. Im telling him not to say anything like that and it makes me sad and scared to think about. He jsut doesnt care. He says things just keep piling up and its stressful, which I totally understand, but yeah.

So, in conclusion- Im asking you what I can do to help him. I REALLY want to, Its scary and sad and I really cant stand to see him like this. Hes been like this for a while and its really just sad. I hate it and I REALLY want him to have a better outlook. But i cant see that happening right now.

[PrettyHate]

Either he needs to talk to someone and get help, or you need to find help for him. If he is threatening suicide- then you need to do it fast. Its better to have a friend mad at you because you told someone, than to have them dead. He will get over being mad at you, but if something does happen to him it is unlikely you will ever forgive yourself.

One of the hardest things to do when youre depressed is admit that you need help. I was diagnosed with clinical depression years ago. It took me a LONG time to finally decide that things wouldnt just get better on their own, and that I needed help. I was put on antidepressnts, and that helped ALOT. Three of so years later I was able to get off of them, and now Im fine.

It needs to be determined if his depression is clinical (due to chemical imbalances in the brain) or situational (due to things that are happening in his life)- either way, he needs help.

Its also important for him to realize that he has to be happy with himself before he can have someone else and be happy.

[Virginia]

Yep he needs help. If he's talking suicide, you need to find someone to help him. Not sure how though. I take anti depressents, cuz I was diagnosed with PPD pretty late after having the baby. They help TREMENDOUSLY. What about a counselor at school or his mom? I mean, if he says something about killing himself, its serious. If you cant figure out something, maybe talk to his parents, and see if they can get him help

[AnimalsR4Me]

I agree with the above. I think you as a friend need to step in. I thikn it's past the point of allowing him to seek help for himself since he obvisouly isnt' going to. It's time for you to step in and get help for him. Talk to your parents, talk to his parents, (i cringe when I say this from my own bad luck with these) talk to the guidance counselor at school or a teacher, or something, ANYONE! They make this place called the boys and girls town national hotline, try them, and theres also a national suicide switchboard. Also try www.teenadviceonline.org they have gotten me through an awful lot of stuff you can email them and a counselor will get back to you. I hink its time for you to step in, and help him. He may be upset but like laura said, its better than losing a friend. He will eventually get over it. Ask him if he will go get help if you go with him because he needs it and you love him and you're really worried about him. I went through this for the longest time with myself, and no one listened, no one cared, i even tried to talk to my guidance counselor once, and she didn't care. No one believed me. It took until I actually TRIED to commit suicide for my best friend to notice. She had been worried about me before I tried to commit suicide, but she stood by and didn't know what to do so she didnt do anything.....I survived, but I needed help. I hope you can find help for him. I really do wish you the best of luck!

[Tigger]

Thank you guys-

Really, Im trying to help him. I just, I dont know how. I really am trying, I promise. Im going to talk to my parents about it and stuff and see what they say. I really want to help him and Im talking to him trying to tell him he needs help-
earlier I was like, please dont talk like that-
him- why-
me- Because your my friend and I care about you-
him- whatever....
Its like he could care less :( It sucks because I feel like I cant help. Ill keep you guys posted.

This stuff sucks

[AnimalsR4Me]

He cares, and deep down inside he knows that you care, and you don't want him to do anything stupid, but hes scared, and hes upset, and right now, your completely right, he doesn't care. He's doing whatever he can to hide the pain from you and from everyone else. He doesnt want to face that hes in pain and hes upset and he needs help. Talk to your parents and his parents and see what they can do...Offer to go with him to counseling if he would like you to the first coupel times. It might be easier if he has someone there who he knows and trusts besides his parents. Just offer a lot of hugs and compassion for him and tell him you love him and you don't want to lose him because he means a lot to you :( im sorry this is happening hon.

[JoElizabeth]

I kinda went through the same. I was really depressed, and in fact suicidal. Do u think he would go through with it? When I told my friend, I never intended on doing it, but wanted to. I just wanted to get away and just leave everyone behind. No matter what, always let him know u care, not just when he gets like this, but when hes a little better. Its tough, I also have been through it with my friends. They cut, I cut, and we were just outcasts, who knew no one else understood, and couldnt even feel we could really be ourselves to each other, becuz the other needed someone strong. Spend time with him. I have had many times that I tell someone Im coming over just so they would have a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes its not saying anything that matters, just being there.

[Jillian53846]

If he gets like that again when you're talking online, you might want to try to go see him in person (whether he wants you to or not). When you chat online/the phone, you can still feel very isolated and alone--especially when you're depressed. Physically being there would not only make him feel like he wasn't alone (a very depressing feeling), but it'd also prove to him just how much you really care--that you will physically and mentally go out of your way just for him. If you need a ride from your parents, just let them know what's going on and I'm sure they'd be more than willing to help. I think it really helps to physically be there. E-mail & internet & even phone conversations just feel really cold when you need someone.

It really makes me sad reading things like this... My best friend committed suicide a little less than a year ago now. & what frustrates me most is that we had lived very far away from each other--& the last time I talked to her, things were good with her--she was actually going to move down to SD & we were thinking of getting a place together. I didn't even know she was hurting. & if I did, I would have dropped everything just to go up to talk to her & be there for her in person. & what sucks the most, is that I got an e-mail from her about a month or 2 after she died with small indications of why she killed herself (but it was not a suicide note). I don't know what was wrong with the e-mail system--but I can't help but feel like that was the one thing that could have changed things. If only it had gone through & I got it sooner--she might have still been here.

For people who are contemplating suicide or have thought about it that are reading this--please know that your choices don't only effect you. I understand it's hard to think of things like that when you're depressed--i've been there... but please try. It's almost a year and I'm not nearly recovered from losing my best friend. When I talk about it, sometimes I cry like it just happened yesterday. & at random times out of nowhere, I break down & go into depression myself. I miss her SO much. & I can't help but get mad at her sometimes--because in killing herself, she killed a part of me & took away part of my life too--& everyone else that knew and loved her. Everyone you meet becomes a part of who you are. Don't forget that.

[Jillian53846]

Also, very importantly--to add to that...

Only go to see him if there is someone other than him in the house--like his parents. Otherwise, if you go to see him, have your parents wait outside for you or bring a couple friends with you.

No accusing anyone of anything--but always be safe with EVERYTHING you do. No matter how well you feel you know them. Better to be safe--especially if they're depressed, because they might not really be themselves when they are in that kind of emotional state.

[barton]

If he didn't want help then he would not be talking about it. He obviously doesn't want to do it deep down so now is the time to help him before he sees no other choice. I have lost a couple of friends to suicide in both cases they had tried to contact someone first then did it. My conclusion 99 % of the people who talk about or consider suicide are looking for a way out of doing it. don't feel bad to bud in and do whatever is necesary. You are a good friend.